I Want My Father
The house on the rock
Posted by aplecompte on February 20th, 2010
Twenty years ago my life absolutely sucked. I finally hit bottom and started working a spiritual program. I have stuck with spirit since then and made slow but steady progress.
Today, by most measures, my life is pretty good. I have good health and a great relationship with my (second) wife. I retired early from the workforce and live in a comfortable house. Now I have time to watch, think and meditate.
And I see that my life is still a sham. Even though it’s no longer possible to drive a truck through the hole in my soul, my heart is filled with longing. I find no real satisfaction in the world, just fleeting scraps. Trying to build friendships based on reciprocity no longer holds any attraction for me.
I thought of an analogy this morning that describes the futility of it. It’s like living in a house that I have to keep painting, because if I don’t get back to a section before the paint dries, the wall hardens, crumbles and falls away. I’m tired of the paint fumes, the radio and the constant mess to clean up. I maintain a smaller and smaller space. When I stop painting it’ll all be gone. That’s OK, because I know what I want instead: the house on the rock.
I want the Love of my Father.
I was pursuing it this morning, focusing on loving memories like being picked up by my father when I was two, the song “Fly With Me,” the passion of Rumi’s poems, and the birth of my son. And then, by surprise, I filled up with joyful reddish light. It was warm, full, happy, comforting, and bright. I was filled with joy and gratitude, just glowing, and I stayed there softly saying “yes, yes, yes” to myself. Then I heard Elizabeth coming down the stairs, opened my eyes, and caught a very warm smile from her. Afterwards I noticed I was tingling. It was similar to falling in love. I want that all the time.
Father, today I am Your Son again. W-234
God is the only goal I have today. W-256
Today the peace of God envelops me,
And I forget all things except His Love. W-346
Tags: Love
